Hi Friends,
Are you putting yourself
first?
Do you feel guilty after saying yes when you really wanted to say no?
Are you setting boundaries in all areas of your life (work, family, romantic relationships, friends, etc.?)
Do you start to feel resentment towards an individual or situation due to a lack of boundaries?
Are you feeling overwhelmed or anxious from over-extending yourself with saying yes when you want to say no?
How many of you find yourself constantly going against what you need on any given day or any given moment?
For example, I knew I needed to rest on that Friday night after having a busy week, but I used to get stuck with saying yes to an invite when I really wanted to say NO.
Many people agree to things, even things that they prefer not to do. People often do this to avoid the discomfort of saying no.
Most of us, deep down, want to fit in; we don't want to upset someone. We shouldn't feel bad or guilty for saying no.
No More Putting Others Above Yourself, Here are three steps to learn to say no and feel secure about it:
1. Don't say NO without actually saying "NO."
For example, sometimes we give answers like, "Let me get back to you" or "Maybe" when really in our head we want to say no, or we don't want to do it. So, when we do this, the other person could think that there is a lingering chance that you might say yes. Our cover-up may make people feel good, but our honesty will keep them in our lives.
"Let's figure it out," "Let me think about it "…is like leading someone on, and sometimes we have a habit of doing that because we are fearful of just saying NO. Don't avoid saying no by using another way of saying no. There is no point in that!
2. Know why you are saying no
Sometimes it is hard to say no because we don't know what we are doing in that time or space. Reflecting on why you are saying no will help strengthen your decision-making significantly if you are naturally indecisive. For example, your "why" for saying no can be because you have preservation of self.
3. You can still be kind while saying no
Treat each opportunity with gratitude by thanking the person for their interest and thinking of you.
You don't have to choose between being assertive and affectionate. You can still be kind and clear about your boundaries. For example, you can say "Thank you for the opportunity or "Thank you for thinking of me," but right now, I'm focusing on these priorities, and I don't have the time.
That's a lot better than saying, "Yes, let's do it!" and then you not being in the mood, which will lead to you getting stressed out or anxious.
If anything or anyone goes against your values, priorities, and mental health, then don't do it!
You see, we solve the short term of avoidance, but we are creating massive long-term implications in the end. Our honesty will gain our respect.
Remember that no doesn't mean forever or never. It just means not right now.
Please share your thoughts in the comments
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